Reedeming Love

So... It is funny to me to read my last blog which was only written a couple of days ago and to realize how quickly my outlook has changed. In my last blog I spoke about myself and how being here made me feel. Looking back I realize how shallow it seemed. I was being true to how I was feeling but the shallowness of it now seems sort of ironic due to the circumstances of the last two days. Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to the prison in town with Dr. Bledsoe. A few weeks ago they did an HIV screening and so he was returning to get blood work on the six people who tested positive. I have never been to a prison in the U.S so I knew that being that my first experience would be an African one would be interesting. The prison has a capacity for 150 prisoners, however, it houses over 450. I entered and felt as all eyes were on me. I would have felt uncomfortable in a prison in the U.S but here not only was I was a young female, I was white. I was completely safe, Dr. Bledsoe wouldn't have taken me there I had not been so I don't want to be over dramatic about the whole situation but it was a little unnerving. It was also unnerving as I took blood samples from some of the prisoners. Drawing blood isn't a big deal but it seems a lot more like a big deal when you know that person is HIV +. I couldn't help but think though about the prisoners in that place. Dr. Bledsoe explained that they are given one meal a day and are only allowed the clothes they were wearing when they came into the place. I couldn't help but think that when Jesus talked about the "least of these" he was referring to these types of people. The forgotten, abandoned, the sick and dying. All of the sudden the gospel came alive to me.. how could it not when you see the depravity that Jesus was talking about and realize that he calls us to serve these people, to love these people. My thoughts about yesterday carried on into today. Another morning at the clinic. Most of them children with Malaria and then a fifteen year old girl. She was quiet and as I assisted the doctor with her physical examination also noted that she was incredibly anemic. Normally the inside of your eyelids should be beefy red, hers were as white as a sheet of paper. Her palms and soles of her feet were also extremely white, a sign of anemia. She didn't say much, she seemed very shy and quiet and considering her hematocrit was 12% (normal for a female should be around 36%) she probably didn't feel too great either. I found out that she had delivered a baby two weeks ago. So here was this extremely anemic young girl.. and to top off her day she discovered today that she is HIV +. Considering that she just found out, her baby more than likely is also positive. Her boyfriend and father of the child, a thirty year old man. So.. what do you do with all that information.. what do you say to a child that has a child that she has HIV? For once I was sort of glad I didn't speak the language so that I didn't have to try and scramble for the right words. She is seven years younger than me and yet she seemed so old sitting on that table. I wondered if I would ever have the strength to see this day in and day out. I left the clinic this morning feeling very overwhelmed, she wasn't the only person who found out their status today or the only person that is dying because they don't have enough money to pay the hospital or because their traditional medicine failed them. It was a lot to ponder as I walked home. It was during that walk that I had the realization that no matter what degree I had or how many languages I spoke, I can not save the world. I cannot free the oppressed, or redeem the undredeemable, or even heal the sick. This may seem like something I should have known for a long time and I have.. but it became very real today. The brokenness of this land is very evident in every direction you look. But the brokenness is not just here. It is in America too in maybe some not so obvious ways. The brokenness is worldwide. The brokenness is a result of our sin that we committed. It is not God who has condemned us but we who have condemned ourselves. I realized today that I am not capable of doing the things that need to be done in this world to restore it. Only he can restore and heal. Only he can redeem. I must hope and pray that his redeeming love that pursues me and that he lavishes upon me does the same for these people. That they would feel it and turn from their ways and that we would feel it and desire to share it more than we do. I realized the only thing I can do is to love people, to serve people as Christ commanded us to. To point others in his direction where they can find true restoration. Pray for this broken land.. pray for healing and redemption in our own land and thank God for his mercy and his endless, tireless love and grace on us all.
ps. the picture is of the sunset this evening. A beautiful reminder of God's love and faithfulness. He is here.. he has not abandoned even though it is sometimes hard to see his hand.